


you don't love me the same way i do

by squishymochisoo



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Unrequited Love, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-21 06:59:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13735584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squishymochisoo/pseuds/squishymochisoo
Summary: ‘i’m sorry jihoon. i love you but just not the same way you do’the sentence replayed over and over and over again.‘just not the same way you do’jihoon watched the figure walk away from him. there he stood, tears clouding his vision.processing what his best friend no- his crush- had just said to him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi! decided to write another hanahaki fic again! hope you enjoy it! do check out my other hanahaki fic! :)

_‘i’m sorry jihoon. i love you but just not the same way you do’_

the sentence replayed over and over and over again.  
_‘just not the same way you do’_

jihoon watched the figure walk away from him. there he stood, tears clouding his vision. 

processing what his best friend no- his crush- had just said to him. 

he never did intend for anyone to find out about his crush. he never wanted his crush to know. this wasn’t what he imagined. jihoon always imagined his crush confessing to him. and both of them- him and soonyoung- would be happy together. 

_but maybe i’m just supposed not to get my happy ending._

tears running down his cheeks. some continuing its way down falling off his face. leaving a salty taste in his mouth.  
he didn’t care about him standing in the middle of nowhere.  
he didn’t care about people seeing him cry.

_no.  
he didn’t care. _

__

__

_he just wanted soonyoung to love him back. love him the same way jihoon loves him._

jihoon choked out a sob. a sob his been keeping in. sobs he just couldn’t keep holding in any longer.  
he felt useless and suddenly he felt like his legs couldn’t work. falling slowly, he felt as if even the ground wasn’t there for him. sob gradually getting louder. hiccupping once in a while. 

and he just suddenly felt like the air was taken out of him. like someone was choking him.

like someone was squeezing his lungs so hard he could barely feel anything.  
and as one last tear slowly dripped down, he managed to catch his breath.  
breathing in and out so quick, he almost didn’t realize the two small petals lying on the ground right in front of him.  
two yellow petals. 

\------------------------

 

jihoon would do anything to be fine again. to be able to sleep soundlessly at night. to go to bed at the thoughts of soonyoung.  
but the only thoughts that surround him is the face of soonyoung staring him down with pity in his eyes. 

and that was the very moment jihoon knew that soonyoung would never ever return his feelings. that it would take more than an eternity them to ever love each other the same way. 

the way his heart broke whenever he saw soonyoung looking away whenever their eyes met. he just wishes he could just turn back time. maybe he’d tell himself to never fall for soonyoung. 

maybe he should have fell for seungcheol. maybe his life would have been easier. 

jihoon knew. he knew. he knew that soonyoung always had a thing for someone else. whenever they made eye contact, jihoon fell apart more and more. whenever they smiled at each other. whenever they said each other’s name.

maybe it isn’t too late to try and love seungcheol. who am i kidding. that probably isn’t going to happen. 

his heart breaks even more when the friendship that they have build all these years were just gone. his heart breaks when soonyoung goes to all extents just to avoid jihoon. 

with each of soonyoung’s way to avoid jihoon day by day, jihoon’s flower problem seems to only get worse. now not only is the flashback of soonyoung rejecting him haunting him but also the constant reminder of it due to the petals pushing its way out of his throat. 

how is it that soonyoung has yet to see how much jihoon is hurting because of him? how jihoon’s face constantly gets whiter day by day. how jihoon’s short breath echoes in the practice room. how jihoon’s songs just get more depressing day by day. and how jihoon’s never sleeps at night. 

 

jihoon slammed his head against his work table. everything just doesn’t seem to go his way anymore. he has been staring at the piece of paper for the last two hours just trying to come with the lyrics.

without realising it his mind wanders back to soonyoung. the one person he has tried to forget. and just like turning on a switch, petals flooded out.  
it just seemed to increase day by day. 

tears flooded the corners of his eyes. why couldn’t he stay strong? why couldn’t he hold himself up like the rest of the members did? why was he so useless?

_why am i so worthless?_

with his mind occupied, he didn’t hear the soft knock on his door. within seconds, someone stood beside him, settling down his hands on jihoon’s shoulder while shaking him. and his voice whispering for jihoon to stop crying. 

all jihoon could do was shake his head. and all the other could do was hug him. 

“why didn’t you tell me?” was all the other said. jihoon opened his mouth to speak but only petals came out. more tears streamed down his face. 

“jihoon! there’s blood!” the other shouted in surprise.

“guys! call an ambulance quick!” the other shouted. some murmurs was heard outside the room as he said that. 

“just fucking call an ambulance quick!” the other carried on cradling jihoon. as if that would help jihoon stop coughing up blood and flowers.

 

he paced back and forth outside the hospital room as the others sat on the chair. all anxiously staring at the ward door. just hoping the doctor will come out soon. 

“seungcheol sit the fuck down.” jeonghan angrily stared at seungcheol. 

“you’re just making the rest of us more anxious.” seungcheol slowly sat down on the floor. now tapping his feet repeatedly on the floor.

“if only i found him just a minute earlier.” seungcheol whispered under his breath, tears reluctant to fall out. he didn’t want to seem weak in front of the others. he had to be there for them he couldn’t cry in front of the others.

“cheol, it’s not your fault. i bet the doctor’s gonna come out any minute now.” jisoo nudged his side. 

“you’re right, it’s my fault.” both of them looked up to see where the voice was coming from. soonyoung. everyone looked at him in confusion. 

“how is it you-“ 

“you said he started coughing out flowers right?” soonyoung questioned. seungcheol nodded slowly processing everything that was happening. 

“jihoon’s got the hanahaki disease. it’s a rare disease for unrequited love.” seungcheol’s eye widened.

“and it can kill you if untreated for too long. if blood keeps coming out.” soonyoung’s voice softens as he said every word.

“what! kill him?? are you fucking with me right now kwon soonyoung?” seungcheol stood up and shouted. a hand pulled him down into his seat.

“cheol, sit down. not here.” was all jeonghan said. the other members kept quiet, not knowing whether to interfere or not. seungcheol was rarely this angry. 

\------------------------------

it felt like hours when the doctor came out. 

“i’m afraid with the hanahaki disease, we do not have an instant cure. but there are ways to cure it. mr lee can either get a surgery to fully cure it or the other person must return his feelings. we’ve examined him and you do have to make the decision quick as his condition is getting so much worse by the second.”  
seungcheol looked at the doctor in confusion.

“then isn’t the most simple and obvious way is to get the surgery??” he questioned the doctor.

“sir, most of them do not opt for the surgery as after the surgery, the patient loses all feelings for the other party.” seungcheol stared at his feet.

“then we have no say in this. we will let jihoon make the decision.” a voice spoke. seungcheol turned to see jeonghan. the doctor nodded and went back into the room.

 

“what are you doing?” seungcheol angrily asked.

“what am _i_ doing?” 

“if jihoon doesn’t pick the surgery what happens huh?” seungcheol asked. 

“what are you going to do when he doesn’t want the surgery? are we just going to sit down and watch him on his death bed?” seungcheol continued, raising his voice.

“no, of course not. but it’s his decision not ours. and there is also another cure he said.”

“yes, there is but it is for the other party to love him back. look at this idiot.” seungcheol pointed to soonyoung. 

“he clearly fucking loves seokmin and vice versa. do you think that’s going to change? what kind of idiot would not fall for a guy like jihoon?” 

“just because you are the leader, does not mean you can make life decisions for us!” jeonghan retorted. seungcheol opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by jisoo.

“everyone just shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down. stop fighting. the only reason we’re fighting is because you guys are worried for jihoon. now sit down and wait patiently.” 

\-----------------

as soon as they were allowed to see jihoon, seungcheol rushed in. nobody could blame him, he was just worried for jihoon. the others stayed outside to give seungcheol the space he needed with jihoon.

“jihoon please tell me you chose the surgery.” seungcheol said as he barged into the room. and all jihoon could do was smile sadly in his direction.

“jihoon please, wh- why would you do that. jiho-“ seungcheol's voice broke and only sobs could be heard. staring at his old friend, pale faced, swollen eyes and eye bags underneath his eyes. 

“the doctor estimated about two days for me” jihoon said in a hoarse voice. his voice probably scratched up from the flowers.

seungcheol took the seat beside jihoon. both their hands clasped together. and suddenly all seungcheol could think of was jihoon. how jihoon was his whole world. his whole universe even. tears running down his face. as his grip on jihoon’s hand tightened. 

“why are you crying? look i’m still here.” jihoon joked as his small hand wiped off the tears from seungcheol’s face. 

jihoon wanted to be strong for them. he wanted to be strong for seungcheol. and maybe for the next two days, he’ll try to continue what he does best. writing music. with the amount he has written for the past week, seventeen could live off it for another three comebacks. 

he knew it was morbid to think about it. but he couldn’t help it. but both him and seungcheol had the same thought.

_i just wish there was another way to cure this_


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried to write this chapter quick because i'm really happy people actually read it and all! so this is chapter 2! thank you so much! :)

when the rest of the boys entered jihoon’s room. they found seungcheol fast asleep arms around jihoon’s left arm, fresh tears still clearly seen on his face. and jihoon just slightly staring at seungcheol. 

“hey hoonie, how’re you feeling?” junhui whispered quietly so he doesn’t accidentally wake seungcheol up. jihoon forced a smile. a smile all the other ten boys knew was fake. 

  


the others stood behind not knowing what to do or say. it was as if the obvious untold secret of jihoon loving soonyoung shook them. but they all knew, everyone knew. it was too obvious especially when soonyoung started avoiding jihoon and jihoon cramped himself up in his studio for a whole week. 

“jihoon” a soft voice said. all heads turned to jisoo who broke the awkward silence.

“hmm?” jihoon turned his head trying not to move too much as seungcheol was still on his arm. 

“has the doctor asked you about what you are going to do now? please tell me you chose the surg-“ jisoo’s voice was cut off by jihoon’s soft but assertive ‘no’.

and with that one simple word from jihoon. it seemed to lit a fire in most of the other members.

“what do you mean no?” mingyu raised his voice in concern. jihoon looked around and his eyes settled on minghao and chan who looked like they would cry any minute. soonyoung stepped in front.

“jihoon what are you doing.” he asked firmly.  
“stop this nonsense. stop it right now. you do know what it going to happen if you don’t right?”

“of course i do. don’t you think i do? i’ve known from the very start when fucking petals started coming out my mouth. i found that out after you walked away from me. don’t you think i should know about all of this?” jihoon started out.

“i knew what i was getting into the very moment when it felt like someone was choking me. i knew this was going to happen every time i couldn’t breathe during practice. i knew. if i wanted to live so badly, wouldn’t i have just went to the doctor right after petals came out of my mouth?” jihoon heaved.

“i had no idea what i was thinking. maybe i was just hoping for a miracle to happen you know?” he sighed. 

“no. no. no. don’t you dare try to even blame me. look jihoon! this maybe your life and your decision but look around this damn room right now.” soonyoung shouted and pointed to everyone in this room.

“this room is filled with people that fucking cares about your short ass. now stop this self-pitying and get the damn surgery. i don’t care if you’re doing this for yourself or for me. just stay alive.” soonyoung was met with silence. not only from jihoon but from everyone else in the room. 

the silence was suddenly broken with a forced sarcastic laugh. 

“me? you’re telling me to stop self-pitying? that was first sentence you’ve said to me ever since that day. don’t tell me that i’m self-pitying.” jihoon looked up from his lap and gave soonyoung a cold hard glare, trying to supress the feelings he ever had for him and replacing it with anger.

“none of you knew i was suffering. especially you, kwon soonyoung. if i was blaming you, you would have known how much i was suffering from the start. “ jihoon sighed again.

“just let me rest, i’ll see you guys tomorrow or something.” jihoon’s gaze fell upon seungcheol’s sleeping figure. the sound of the door opening and footsteps following after. as the door closed, jihoon breathed out. 

“jihoon i know you’re scared. we are all. and i know you have it worse.” jihoon looked up in surprise to see jisoo standing at the end of his bed looking at him. 

“hyung, there is another way. but i’m just scared.” jihoon whispered.

“another way?” jisoo’s eyebrows cocked up. 

“it rarely works but i have to fall in love with someone else who loves me back.” jisoo’s eyes immediately fall on the boy sleeping on jihoon’s arm.

“so fall in love with that someone then.” jihoon chuckled.

“if only it was that easy. who would love me like that?” jisoo gave jihoon a pointed look.

“you’re kidding right? it’s so freaking obvious?” 

“hyung, i’m flattered and all but i don’t think i can fall in love with you in two days. no offence.” jihoon retorted.

“not me you idiot. but..” jisoo’s eyes gazed at seungcheol’s sleeping figure once more. and this time jihoon followed jisoo’s eyes.

“seungcheol hyung?” 

“hmm?” seungcheol moved a little and opened his eyes. jisoo took this as a sign to leave both long-timed friends alone.

“hyung i need to tell you something.” jihoon started. seungcheol sat up and looked at the boy sitting on the hospital bed.

“the other members came in just now. and we kind of fought.” jihoon explained softly.

“fought? why? what happen? are you okay?” 

“it was nothing much hyung. just that i told them about my decision not to take the surgery. and soonyoung erupted but that only made infuriated so we fought.”

“jihoon-“ seungcheol started. 

“no hyung, wait let me talk first. honestly. there was something, i forgot to tell you.” 

“there is another way i can get cured.” jihoon paused, rethinking everything he’s going to tell seungcheol. and what seungcheol would do after jihoon told him.

_“i need to fall in love with someone else who loves me the same way i do with soonyoung.”_


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “i would do anything to save you.” jihoon’s eyes widened as seungcheol’s grip tightened into a comforting hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again!! sorry this chapter is kind of short! but hope you are enjoying this so far! thank you and hope you keep reading! :)

_‘i need to fall in love with someone else who loves me the same way i do with soonyoung.’_

seungcheol did not know what to say. jihoon continued to stare at seungcheol hoping that seungcheol would put two and two together so jihoon wouldn’t have to spell it out for him. 

but of course the gods was against him. the quiet silence left jihoon uneasy. 

what if jisoo hyung was wrong. of course he was why would seungcheol hyung even like him. this was probably a mistake bringing it up. what was i thinking-

“jihoon?” seungcheol’s concerned voice was heard. jihoon blinked several times before smiling lightly at seungcheol. seungcheol shifted in his seat before moving a little closer towards jihoon. seungcheol held jihoon’s left hand in both his palms before quietly whispering.

“i would do anything to save you.” jihoon’s eyes widened as seungcheol’s grip tightened into a comforting hold.

“i would love you more than the world. i will try to love you more than i already do. please jihoon, let’s try.” seungcheol’s sobs softened jihoon’s heart. jihoon stretched out his other hand to grab their mess of hands as he smiled at seungcheol.

_“let’s try it then.”_

seungcheol’s smile was so bright upon hearing jihoon saying those words. his jihoonie. he never did realise that jihoon was more than his world. jihoon was more than his universe. 

jihoon was his everything.

“let’s go then!” seungcheol stood up pulling jihoon’s hand. 

“you do realise i’m in a hospital bed right?” 

“i’m sure a walk around the hospital is fine.” seungcheol tugged on jihoon’s hand. jihoon sighed and hastily got out of bed and approached the smiling, almost jumping, seungcheol. 

and jihoon thought for the first time since the first petal fell out of his mouth

_‘maybe i might live through this’_

seungcheol walked hand in hand with jihoon in the hospital’s roof top garden. silence between both boys. but the silence was not an awkward silence but a comforting one. both boys have been friends for so long it seems like they know almost all of each other’s thoughts. as if the silence was a way the two friends communicate so nobody else except them could understand. 

“hyung?” jihoon whispered quietly as his grip on seungcheol’s hand tightened. seungcheol hummed in response.

“i’m scared.” seungcheol footsteps stopped. he turned to his little jihoonie and frowned. 

“don’t be. let’s get through this together okay? just lean on me and trust me.” seungcheol stepped closer to jihoon and hugged the other boy. suddenly, sniffling was heard. seungcheol was surprised.

“hyung, i’m so sorry for not telling anyone about this. for not telling you. i’m so sorry i caused everyone trouble. i caused you trouble. i made the members argue. i made you argue with jeonghan just now. i’m so sorry. i’m so so sorry.” jihoon sobs. seungcheol’s hug tightened. 

“don’t apologize. it’s okay. it’s all going to work out.” and as seungcheol reassured jihoon, jihoon’s heart swelled at the thought of being so loved by seungcheol.

“thank you hyung, for doing this with me. “ jihoon whispered. 

_“anything for you jihoonie. anything.”_


	4. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again! i'm sorry for the short chapter! thank you for reading this far! :)

the hours spent on that hospital rooftop, just the two of them together, it made both the boys felt like they were closer than ever before. with every touch and smile that seungcheol gave jihoon, his heart fluttered ever so slightly. and with every hug jihoon gave and every time jihoon held seungcheol’s hand, seungcheol felt like he was finally in heaven. 

jihoon never would have thought he could fall for someone this for. and in just two hours he felt save in seungcheol’s arm. jihoon felt like this was too good to be true. 

in that two hours just watching the sky, jihoon smiled the brightest he ever had in one week. the two just spent the time talking like they usually do but this time just a little more open with each other with light touches and hand holding. 

their sweet smile and eye smiles was disturbed by loud footsteps running towards their direction. the rooftop door slammed open with a black haired boy panting. the boy looked frantically around before his eyes landed on the two couple- wait no- almost couple. his eyes narrowed and furrowed his eyebrows.

“you scared the hell out of me lee jihoon!” soonyoung shouted at jihoon.  
“i thought you went out to go and do something stupid.” seungcheol stood up from the bench that they sat on. he held out a hand for jihoon which jihoon shook his head to.

“c’mon hoon, let’s get back to your room. the others are probably still waiting for you. i doubt they went back.” jihoon reluctantly stretched out his hand to take seungcheol’s. seungcheol smiled when jihoon put his little hands into seungcheol’s big palms.

the two walked towards soonyoung who looked confused. sure jihoon and seungcheol were best friends but since when was jihoon so open to skinship? soonyoung sighed out loud.

“jeonghan is freaking out because he thought you ran away. i’ve been running through the hospital for the past 45 minutes. i even got hit from hyung because of what i said.” soonyoung huffed out, his cheeks puffing a little, making jihoon’s heart flutter and his insides tickle a little. 

“i’m sorry.” jihoon muttered out. while tugging seungcheol’s hand to signal that he wanted to get out. he dragged seungcheol out of the rooftop, his pace hard to match with. 

soonyoung called for jihoon repeatedly asking him to stop. but it was obvious to jihoon what the other boy wanted to talk about. and he wasn’t ready for a confrontation. the further jihoon went, the softer soonyoung’s call was heard. 

jihoon sighed in relief when they were out of his soonyoung’s earshot and vision. seungcheol went in for a hug.

“hey, let’s get back to your room shall we?” jihoon nodded slowly. he they trudged back towards jihoon crowded room. seungcheol whispered to jihoon.

“jihoon, i really do love you. i just hope that back that you can love me back.” they walk side by side, so close to each other that their hands were touching. 

“seungcheol” jihoon whispered.  
_“ i think i like you.”_ this made seungcheol smile out and grabbed jihoon’s hand.

“c’mon then boyfriend!” seungcheol said while walking, almost skipping. jihoon chuckled at his stupid boyfriend.

_boyfriend._

“hey what the hell you didn’t even ask me properly!” jihoon mentioned while slapping seungcheol’s back. seungcheol faked an ‘ouch’ while grabbing where jihoon hit him with his other hand. his hand never letting go of jihoon.


	5. chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello there! i felt like this chapter is kind of short but i'm trying to make it up by updating regularly sooooo

“there you are!” jeonghan shouted as he saw seungcheol and jihoon walk in.

“i was worried sick about you! don’t go wondering off!” jeonghan dragged jihoon back into his bed. he turned to seungcheol.

“and you why are you bringing him out a about? let him rest.” jeonghan nagged seungcheol. seungcheol muttered a sorry and sat beside jihoon on his bed.

“i thought you guys left.” jihoon commented. the rest of the guys except soonyoung who has yet to arrive looked at him.

“sure i was frustrated. but i wasn’t going to leave you.” jeonghan stated. 

“plus jisoo made sure i had to calm down and not get ahead of myself.” jisoo smiled, proud that he did something to help with the situation. the other members were just lost- and jihoon doesn’t blame them. this situation is not a situation that happens often- almost never. 

honestly, jihoon would be surprised if someone saw this coming. and just like that another hour or two passes them by. all thirteen of them sitting around the room goofing around. neither bringing up the matter at hand- which was jihoon’s condition. all of them didn’t want the night to end. 

none of them wanted to face reality. and even if jihoon was comfortable snuggled in seungcheol’s arm. he too didn’t want to face reality. neither of them knew what would happen when the two days were up. 

that night all of them stayed in that cramped room, trying to spend as much time with each other as possible. when mingyu brought up a question that everyone else in the room has been thinking about. 

“hyung, aren’t you too close to jihoon? you’ve been by his side all day. what’s with that.” mingyu pointed at their arms still wrapped up together. minghao nodded along confused about the two hyungs. jihoon looked at seungcheol and shot him a look, which meant ‘you explain it to them’. seungcheol sighed.

“well, there is another way that jihoon can be cured.” gasps were heard.

“well then why didn’t you tell us? what is it?” jeonghan retorted.

“well, jihoon has to fall in love with another person who loves him as much.” as seungcheol said that, jihoon snuggled closer into seungcheol’s side. 

“and that person is you hyung?” chan asked still confused.  
“since when?” wonwoo asked. 

“since when what?” seungcheol was confused about what exactly wonwoo wask asking.

“since when did you start loving jihoon.” 

“i would say ever since we debuted.” the rest of the boys were shocked. seungcheol looked at jihoon and smiled softly. jihoon’s eyes were glassy, tears on the brink. jihoon was so touched and jihoon finally felt like he was worth it. like he had more to live for. 

jihoon suddenly had a surge of courage and leaned closer into seungcheol and quickly pecked seungcheol’s cheek. the rest of the boys whistled. jihoon laid back into his bed. he felt his cheeks heat up. without realizing it he was hiding behind his hands.   
seungcheol grabbed his hand away.

“don’t cover that cute face.”

“ugh. this is too much.” seungkwan faked vomit. hansol slapped seungkwan’s back and gave him a stink eye for ruining the moment. 

“sorry but they should get a room.” 

“this is my room! if you wanted to see something else get out!” jihoon chuckled. the rest of the boys laughed along. and that very night, they all made sure to forget about what was going to happen to jihoon. all of them made sure to cheer each other up. all of them made sure to pray for jihoon. and mostly, all of them made sure to push jihoon and seungcheol together.


	6. chapter 6

10 hours. 

that’s the time left the doctor said jihoon had before the flower in his lungs grew too out of hand. but upon inspecting the jihoon in the morning, he was surprised that the number of flowers jihoon vomited out lessened. 

“i guess mr lee, you can head home now. considering there’s not much the hospital can do and that you are weirdly recovering. i thought it might have been too late. but it seems like i am wrong.” the doctor who still confused smiled at the boys and took his leave. 

“jihoon! you’re getting better!!” seokmin cheered. the rest of the boys chattered among themselves, all happy that jihoon is getting better. 

 

seungcheol smiled. it seemed that his jihoonie defeated the odds and was slowly getting better. not only that but it also meant that jihoon was slowly reciprocating his feelings. and he was slowly getting over soonyoung. 

he wondered how something that almost killed his love of his life made him so happy. he felt like finally the puzzle pieces are all falling into place. it was god’s plan to make sure that the sun comes out after the thunderstorm. 

the boys took jihoon home all with smiles on their faces. they all had a rough night and they were happy that they didn’t ever have to say goodbye to their little grumpy friend. if anything, they all felt relieved upon seeing jihoon talking and smiling. a smile they all missed. 

soonyoung felt guilty. he was sorry he couldn’t requite jihoon’s feelings. he knew jihoon was a wonderful person. but his heart has never belonged to jihoon. he was sorry that because of him jihoon landed himself in the hospital and that jihoon almost died. what would have happen is seungcheol wasn’t there? maybe if soonyoung hadn’t ignored jihoon, then maybe- just maybe he wouldn’t have gotten this stupid disease.

 

soonyoung knew nobody blamed him. he knew jihoon never did blame him. he knew jihoon. jihoon suffered in silence and probably took it out on himself. soonyoung was sorry, he was sorry for not being there for jihoon- for not being there for his best friend. 

but even if he was slowly getting cured, soonyoung couldn’t find the guts to man up and talk to jihoon. he felt like after all this jihoon wanted nothing to do with soonyoung. even if soonyoung did manage to strike a conversation with jihoon, seungcheol would be there to stop it.

 

the boys sat together on their living room floor with takeout and pigged out on food. they have yet to eat a proper meal since jihoon was hospitalized. they were all like a big family again. it was as if the past 36 hours didn’t ever happen. 

jihoon looked at the food on the ground. even if the doctor said he was recovering, he felt the same- if not a little worse even. he felt a little sick to the stomach- well a little sick to the heart. he felt a tug on his arm, seungcheol looked at him, looking concerned,

“are you okay?” he mouthed over the loud atmosphere. jihoon nodded softly. although everyone else was celebrating, jihoon felt like something was wrong. shouldn’t he be happy? what was wrong?

days past them by just like the wind. seungcheol and jihoon became official, and all of them were not worried any more. jihoon was cured- like if never happened. sure, flowers every now and then but really rarely and only in small amounts. 

seungcheol understood jihoon. he knew it was going to take a while but their relationship was sailing. both of them wondered why they never got together sooner. 

soonyoung was still awkward with jihoon and vice versa. but the rest of the boys did understand why both of the boys were acting like this. it was going to take a while but their strained friendship was sure to heal, they were best friends, they were inseparable. both with different personalities but the two different personalities made the best combination. 

 

seungcheol was happy as a boyfriend that jihoon wanted nothing to do with soonyoung. but seungcheol felt conflicted as a friend that jihoon wanted nothing to do with soonyoung. moreover, seungcheol felt frustrated as a leader that jihoon wanted nothing to do with soonyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so hi again! i've finally written the whole story, so there's about two to three chapters left? also! i hope you enjoyed this chapter! i really do appreciate feedback! and also i hope that you feel that this story is good!


	7. chapter 7

it was that night, that one night that, jihoon felt so much worse than he ever felt. the night that would change everything for not only jihoon but everyone.

jihoon struggled to get out of seungcheol’s arm. who knew seungcheol was a cuddler? everyone probably knew it- even the fans. he’s such a softy. jihoon really had to pee. jihoon ran to the nearest toilet but was stopped after hearing whispers. 

“do you think it’s time to tell the boys yet?” a hushed voice said. a voice that still somehow brought small flutters to jihoon’s tummy.

“not yet, we can’t. jihoon hyung just got cured. do you want to make it worse? i can’t live with myself, if that ever happened again soonyoung.” another voice said. a voice jihoon couldn’t recognize that clearly. 

“let’s just wait on a little longer okay?” 

“fine.” soonyoung whined.

“c’mon babe. just a little longer.” 

 

jihoon moved towards the living room where the voices were coming from. his small eyes widened upon seeing who the other person was. 

of course it was him. it only made sense that it was seokmin. 

and at that moment. jihoon wished, that it didn’t hurt. why did it hurt so much? wasn’t jihoon already forgetting soonyoung. didn’t jihoon love seungcheol.

 

no- no – no. jihoon did love seungcheol, with all his heart. but why does this hurt? why does this still hurt when it shouldn’t? 

 

the pain that jihoon thought was excruciating- suddenly felt worse. 

 

jihoon wished and hoped with all his heart, that his eyes deceived him. but sadly, this was real. he could see soonyoung wrapped in seokmin’s arm. faces only centimetres apart. the moonlight reflected on the two. 

 

jihoon crippled down onto the floor against the wall he was hiding behind. he slowly grabbed upon his chest- his lungs felt like exploding. his short breaths becoming shorter by the minute. before he had time to think that this was the worse feeling and the most painful feeling his ever felt, he was wrong. 

the two boys kissed- both of them kissing like they meant it. that it was truly love. and excruciating pain become worse by the second. jihoon tried to drag himself towards, his and seungcheol’s room. with every pain in his body, he tried to carry on. he was almost crawling. with one hand clutched upon his chest, he opened the door with his other. 

 

jihoon quickly shut the door, not wanting to see the sight again. his short breath fell into a quick pace. it was as if he just ran a marathon. images of what he just saw flashed into his head. and voices in his head felt like it was mocking him. 

the felt a sharp pain in his lungs and throat. and before he knew it flowers flew out like never before. it was like fall, but it wasn’t flowers that were on trees. jihoon never saw that much flowers and blood in his entire life. 

the sounds of jihoon’s coughs and sobs woke seungcheol up.

 

“jihoonie? what are yo-“ seungcheol immediately stood up and ran towards his lover.

“jihoon? jihoon?” seungcheol shook jihoon by his shoulders, as jihoon slowly felt like his world was crumbling, he faintly saw seungcheol’s blurry figure touching his cheek. he saw seungcheol’s mouth mouthing something he couldn’t decipher. he felt like body give way and it was sudden darkness.

 

“jihoon! wake up please” seungcheol cried out. footsteps were heard before seokmin rushed in slamming the door open.

“what happened!” seokmin screamed upon seeing the bloody mess but only screamed louder upon seeing jihoon’s unconscious figure in seungcheol’s arm. seokmin’s scream alarmed the other sleeping members to came rushing into the couple’s room. 

everyone was so shocked, it was as if their feet couldn’t move. wonwoo pushed through the other boys and took out his phone before dialling for an ambulance. 

seungcheol hugged jihoon and sobbed into his shoulder. 

 

“jihoon please. i love you please.” seungcheol’s whisper echoed the room. his cries, made the other members shed a tear or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry


	8. chapter 8

it was like déjà vu- seungcheol was pacing back and forth while the other members remained seated. but this time jeonghan didn’t shout at seungcheol to sit back down. because jeonghan was also worried about jihoon. 

“but he was recovering, almost fully recovered. how could he have gotten so much worse?” mingyu cried out in question.

“it doesn’t make sense.” 

“maybe- maybe something triggered it?” jisoo softly added in. his eyes were red and swollen, dry tears evident on his face. but nobody was worse than seungcheol. seungcheol looked so distraught that it almost killed the other members to even look at him. 

 

seokmin looked at soonyoung. their eyes meeting. seokmin let out a cry, shocking everyone else and the sudden outburst.

“seokmin- “ jeonghan started. but seokmin just shook his head. he felt guilty. he knew that this was all his fault. before seokmin could say anything, the doctor stepped out of jihoon’s room.

 

“i’m sorry,” the doctor whispered. seungcheol’s eyes widened before tears started streaming down.

 

“no! you’re joking, hahaha c’mon what prank show is it?” seungcheol looked at the doctor who only shook his head.

“guys! this is obviously not real.” seungcheol looked at the boys who could only cry more. seungcheol looked back at the doctor, who held pity in his eyes.

“he took his last breath just minutes ago, we couldn’t get the roots of the flowers that was choking his out. i’m sorry.” he apologized.

 

seungcheol felt wronged. he felt his whole world crashing down. the doctor and everyone was so sure that jihoon would be fine and that he was perfectly healthy. 

he was so sure jihoon was healthy. 

why? did he not love jihoon enough? why

seungcheol’s mind went into a frenzy. he felt his legs give out. 

 

why was god punishing him?


	9. chapter 9

jihoon’s funeral was a mess for everyone. none of them could stand being there. it was killing them all inside. 

 

everyone was distraught.

 

to seungcheol, it served as a constant reminder, that maybe he didn’t love jihoon enough. losing the love of his life, was so much more painful than he ever imagined.

 

to soonyoung, he felt so guilty, he was considering turning himself in to the police. losing his best friend, who he rarely talked to anymore, was a punch to his heart.

 

to the other boys, they felt cheated, they thought that jihoon was finally recovering, all they did was celebrate, but it seemed that they should have been more careful and observant with jihoon’s condition. 

 

everyone felt so broken. like a piece of their own puzzle was missing. and it will never be complete

 

_hard to believe this all happened just because soonyoung didn’t love jihoon the same way jihoon did_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was the last chapter! i'm sorry about the ending and all. hopefully, i get inspired soon to write another? but thank you for reading this far! i really appreciate it for just even reading this till the end! :))


End file.
